At the start of every year, many of us reflect and set goals. January feels like a fresh beginning—a chance to change habits and start again. But instead of focusing only on goals, let’s look at something deeper: choice points. Choice points are the small and big decisions that shape the direction of our lives. Goals focus on results. Choice points focus on who we are becoming. Let’s begin with a simple story.
Emma’s New Year
Emma started 2026 feeling hopeful. She wrote down her goals: exercise more, be more patient, spend less time on her phone, and visit her mother regularly.
For a few weeks, things went well. She exercised, ate better, and followed her plans.
Then work became busy. A colleague was sick. She felt tired and stressed. Slowly, old habits returned. Exercise stopped. Phone time increased. Family time faded.
Emma felt discouraged. Her goals slowly fade away.
This is familiar to many of us. We begin with motivation, but life interrupts. The problem is not lack of discipline. It’s that we often start with goals, instead of starting with deeper choices. These deeper choices are called choice points.
What Are Choice Points?
A choice point is any moment where you choose the direction of your life.
- Goals tell you what you want to achieve.
- Choice points help you decide how you want to live.
They are about identity, values, and priorities. When you focus on choice points first, your goals become easier to sustain. Here are three important choice points to consider.
Choice Point 1: Choose Your Identity, Who You Want to Become
This is about identity, not achievement. Ask yourself:
- Who do I want to be this year?
- What kind of person do I want to become?
- What matters most to me?
Instead of saying, “I want to exercise three times a week,” try: “I want to be someone who lives a healthy lifestyle.”
Instead of saying, “I will visit my mother twice a week,” ask: “What kind of daughter do I want to be?”
Start with who you want to become. Let your goals follow.
Your life has many parts—family, work, personal growth, rest, relationships, and fun. These areas affect each other. A balanced life looks at all of them, not just one.
Choice Point 2: Choose Your Boundary, What You Will Say No To
Every yes comes with a no. Time and energy are limited. You cannot do everything. If you want more of something, you usually need less of something else.
Maybe you want more rest. That might mean fewer commitments.
Maybe you want more family time. That might mean leaving work earlier.
Maybe you need to say no to habits like overworking, people-pleasing, or scrolling on your phone.
Sometimes you are not saying no to activities, but to patterns that drain you. Ask yourself: What do I need to say no to this year?
Choice Point 3: Choose Your Emotional Direction, How You Want to Feel
This choice point is often forgotten. Ask:
- How do I want to feel this year?
- What do I want more of?
- What do I want less of?
You might want more calm, joy, or connection, less stress, guilt, or overwhelm. Many people believe they will feel better after reaching their goals. But feelings don’t automatically follow success. Instead, design your life to support the feelings you want. When you are clear about how you want to feel, your choices become clearer too.
Bringing It Together
Goals matter. But they work best when they grow from deeper choices. Start with your choice points:
- Your Identity – Who do I want to become?
- Your Boundary – What will I say no to?
- Your Emotional Direction – How do I want to feel?
You can write these down, reflect on them, or create a simple vision board with words or pictures that represent your values and priorities. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be meaningful. This year, don’t just set goals. Make intentional choices.
When you do, you move from reacting to life to designing it—one choice at a time.
Written by:
Mr. Lee Teck Ming
(Psychotherapist and Relational Trauma Specialist)
New Vision Counselling and Consultancy 